POSTAL 2

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Ode to Eddings

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

PooMasher

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Hobo Sexual

Ladies Love Cake

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Gary vs. The K. Man

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Dick Message

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

Ape Gape

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

SCREW that game!

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Ginger Mint

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.

John Rambo'd!

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

Found 'em faster than GWB

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

There's always money in the banana stand

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

You are not alone

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.